


Through the Night

by redmorningstar



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Azure Moon Route, Developing Relationship, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Feels, First Kiss, Literal Sleeping Together, Missing Scene, Romance, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 00:54:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21170720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redmorningstar/pseuds/redmorningstar
Summary: "Your hands are so warm... Have they always been?”Byleth’s hand was small in his but her grip was strong, the message clear even without words:I will never let you go.She was his anchor in the storm and he clung to her, wanting desperately for the words to be true. Dimitri dropped his head and gently pressed his face to her hand. The touch of it soothed the chill and ache in his head, just a little. Her thumb stroked the curve of his cheek, the same side as his ruined eye, with a tenderness that burned him. He didn’t deserve such things, not from her. Especially not from her.--Takes place directly after that scene in the rain. Spoilers for Dimitri and Byleth's A-support conversation.





	Through the Night

"Your hands are so warm... Have they always been?”

Byleth’s hand was small in his but her grip was strong, the message clear even without words:_ I will never let you go_. She was his anchor in the storm and he clung to her, wanting desperately for the words to be true. Dimitri dropped his head and gently pressed his face to her hand. The touch of it soothed the chill and ache in his head, just a little. Her thumb stroked the curve of his cheek, the same side as his ruined eye, with a tenderness that burned him. He didn’t deserve such things, not from her. Especially not from her.

Standing together close enough to see the raindrops caught in her eyelashes, Dimitri wanted nothing more than to kiss her. It reminded him of five years ago when they had stood together in the darkness of the Goddess Tower. He had wanted to kiss her then, too. He hadn’t of course because, just like now, he had known the result. He would not have been able to stop himself from falling irrevocably in love with her. He would have damned them both.

“We should get out of the rain, Dimitri. You’ll catch cold,” she said, gently. He could do nothing but nod his mute assent. He felt suddenly exhausted, the rush of day’s emotions leaving nothing but bone-weary tiredness in its wake. He followed behind her with heavy steps as she led them from the stables, across the monastery, and back to the dormitories. She did not let go of his hand the whole while; her kindness would be the death of him. When they reached his room, Dimitri thought they would say their goodbyes and she would leave him alone again, but she didn’t. Instead, she closed the door behind her.

“I am not leaving, if that is what worries you,” he said, tonelessly. There was no more fight in him, not tonight at least. “You do not have to watch me.”

“It’s not like that,” Byleth said, softly. Her back remained turned so he could not read her expression, but there was something wavering in her voice, some emotion he could not recognise. “Just… let me do this please.” 

“Do what you like,” he muttered. After months of pushing her away and holding her at arm’s length, he was tired of resisting her. She helped him unbuckle his cloak and his armour, undressing him with a care he did not deserve. Each piece removed revealed old scars and still healing wounds but, even so, her expression did not change. Finally, she put away his weapons until he was standing in only breeches and a shirt. It had been years since he had stood in front of anyone without arms or armour. It was… painful to face her not as a monster but as a man. Dimitri wondered what she thought of him. He imagined it must be something like pity or contempt. He was just a crazed animal, after all.

He sat on the bed and rubbed his face with his hand. His eye felt gritty and swollen from the tears before. When she left, he would try to sleep, though he wondered if he could. The threat of nightmares always loomed, like a guillotine above his neck. However, Byleth made no move to leave. Without a hint of embarrassment, the professor took off her coat, her gauntlets, and her boots. He felt the mattress dip slightly as she sat next to him on the bed, close enough that he could feel her thigh press against his with no space between. With an ease he envied, her hand slipped into his once more, fitting itself in the space like it was made for her. Could his hands which had killed also be used to hold her? The idea seemed so foreign, and yet…

She began to speak, quiet and low, “When I had trouble sleeping, Father used to stay up and talk with me. He’d tell stories, discuss tactics… anything. It didn’t matter how long it took, he would always stay with me until I’d get tired enough to sleep.”

“You don’t need to…”

“I want to, Dimitri.” Her kindness was sharper than any blade, cutting through his resistances like they were paper. He let out a long breath, a silent acquiesce. Byleth started to tell a story from her time as a mercenary and Dimitri let her voice wash over him, the gentle cadence of her words like lapping waves. Unbidden, his eye began to close. Somewhere between a story of a close call and various fishing escapades, it felt easy to lean into the warmth of her at his side and bring his ear closer to her voice. He couldn’t remember the point when he fell asleep, but when he opened his eye again he was lying alone on his bed and the morning light was spilling into the room. By some spell of hers, he had slept through the night. He might have convinced himself he had imagined the events of yesterday if not for a strand of her bright hair on his pillowcase. It shamed him to think of how gentle she had been with him despite his cruel behaviour these past months. He wondered if she was already regretting last night; he would not blame her if she did.

Dimitri pulled himself from his bed with reluctance. While he could have slept for an entire week, there were amends to be made and no time to delay them. After a moment of hesitation, he donned his armour, though somehow it did not carry the same weight as it did before. He would no longer use it to hide; he would use it to move forward. When he saw her in the Cardinal’s Room later, there was no reproach or disgust in her expression as he had expected; instead, she smiled at him, supporting him as she always had. Rusty though he was, he smiled back.

After the war council, he did not get a moment to speak to her, though he wanted to. There were many other urgent meetings to follow, tactics and plans for the siege on the capital to discuss. After all was said and done, Dimitri did not return to his room again until just before midnight. The room was dark and cold, the warmth of the morning seeming so long ago. Rain was pouring again outside and the wound in his side ached. The cut which the girl had left him was still healing, but it was more than physical pain. To think of it was to think of Rodrigue’s death, of his anger still burning under the surface, his vengeance still incomplete. The temptation to leave and put an end to that hateful woman was still a part of him. Until the war was over, he would always feel it, but it was in the quiet moments like this that dark thoughts would plague him most.

Dimitri held Areadbhar in his hands. His father’s voice was in his ear, chastising him, calling for justice. He gripped his spear, white-knuckled and tight. He thought of the professor’s eyes, imploring him. He had _promised_.

With effort, he let go of Areadbhar and grasped a training spear instead, leaving the room before he could think twice about it; a training dummy would make an imperfect substitute for the violence he craved, but it would be enough. The training hall was deserted at this hour, which meant he didn't need to hold back. He drowned out the voices in his head with the sound of clashing metal. After he had finished, his lungs and muscles were burning and he had broken three lances, but at least his mind was clearer. He sensed a presence watching him from behind. He thought Byleth would be sleeping, but instead there she was, watching him from the doorway with a gentle expression on her face. Once again in her sight, he felt his humanity return. How long had she been watching? Dimitri walked towards her, drawn as he always was.

"Still training?" She asked, curious.

“Indeed. But I was thinking about ending it here. Perhaps it is the gloomy weather, but I am feeling the sting of wounds that should have healed long ago…” Her patient gaze compelled him to tell her all. As he spoke to her of his thoughts and the conflict inside him, he was surprised to find the tension under his skin easing. The tangled knot deep inside his heart, that no amount of training or violence could dispel, had released slightly. It was a kind of magic he did not realise could exist.

“We can confront it together,” she said after he had finished.

“Thank you. You know, Professor… There is something that I only recently realised. I never knew it could be so… comforting to have someone standing by my side.” Byleth took his hand in hers and squeezed it, a quick reassurance. Only a few days ago, the distance between them had been a deep chasm; he could scarcely believe that today she was holding his hand and drawing even closer still. He knew it was selfish to hold onto her with hands still dripping with blood; after all, he had not yet earned the right to be happy. The truth was that he did not have the strength to resist. No, more accurately, he did not want to. _I will have this for as long as it lasts_, he thought to himself.

“I'll always be by your side,” she said, with a simple certainty that shook Dimitri. He had always been afraid of making promises he could not keep and yet here was the professor, saying again to him without a shred of doubt,_ I will never let you go_.

"Yes, since the day I met you it has always been that way. I fear that I rely on you too much, actually," he confessed. _What will I do when you leave?_ He did not know what would become of him when that time came; after all, he could never be enough for her to stay. Her gaze was piercing, as if she could read his treacherous thoughts.

She shook her head, and said quietly, "I need you, Dimitri. More than you know." He wondered what the professor could need from him. Try as he might, he could not reconcile the meaning of her words. Byleth was an exemplary fighter, well-loved as a teacher and leader, and she was caring and thoughtful to all who approached her - to put it simply, she was nothing short of extraordinary. And he was...

“I do not know what to make of that,” he said finally. “Professor, I have nothing to offer you. I am a broken man, a beast more than anything else.” Again she shook her head, adamant.

“You don’t see what I see. When I look at you…” She stepped forward and took his face in her hands. “You feel _everything_. Every hurt and scrape, every victory and loss, every good deed and injustice. You are conflicted because you _care_.” The look on her face was delicate, reverent almost; he could hardly imagine that it would be directed at him. “You are human, perhaps more than any of us.” 

“You cannot mean that,” he managed, though his voice was shaking. Her every word was tearing him to pieces. How could she look at the weakest parts of him and say such things? How could she accept the parts of himself which even he could not?

“I mean what I say, Dimitri. I wish I could _feel _as you do,” she said. He shut his eye; it was too much. There were no words to say; all he could do was put his arms around her and hold her tight. It was too soon to let go of the burdens he had carried for the past nine years, too soon to forgive or forget. But for the first time since that day, he considered the possibility that perhaps he _could_. Her voice was soft and soothing in his ear. “Come, rest. I will stay with you through the night.”

The monastery was truly deserted at this hour. Neither said much they walked from the training ground to the dormitories, hand in hand, until they were in front of her door. He had been here only once before when she had invited him for tea on his birthday five years ago. There was a strange sense of deja vu as he followed her into the room, though they were far from who they were back in their academy days and their relationship was hardly that of teacher and student anymore. The arrangement of the room was the same as his own, and yet being there felt different somehow, simply because it was _hers_. Everywhere he looked there were signs of her within it: the fresh flowers on the desk, an old tactics primer by the bedside, the tea set on the shelf.

When he closed the door behind them Byleth began to undress for bed, unselfconsciously. Dimitri averted his eyes but, after a moment of hesitation, he followed her lead. After all, he could hardly imagine that she could desire him, battle-scarred and worn as he was. When he looked at himself in the mirror these days, he could hardly recognise himself. Though the shadows under his eyes had diminished somewhat, he was still pale and thin, resembling the dead more than the living.

Byleth blew out the candle and climbed under the bedcovers, shuffling towards the wall until she had made a space for him. He joined her clumsily, too big for the space they were in and a bed that was not made for two. They managed by settling their limbs around one another, her head tucked into the curve of his neck and his arms encircling her. Byleth felt small and fragile in his arms, though in reality, he knew it was the opposite. If anything, it was her arms that were holding him together. In her bed, everything smelled like her. It was more comforting than he could have imagined. He matched his breaths to her slow deep lungfuls and with every inhale he drew more of her in and with every exhale a measure of tension left him. It was strange. Sleep had not felt safe in the longest time but, for now at least, the whispered pleas of the dead were silent.

“Sleep”, she murmured, and he did as he was commanded.

In the morning Byleth was still with him, tucked within his arms, her head resting on the same pillow. In the morning light and her face soft with sleep, she was ethereal. With careful fingers, Dimitri touched her cheek. Warm. Real. Not a dream, then. It seemed his light touch was enough to rouse her into wakefulness; her eyes opened and for a long moment they simply stared at one another silently. Dimitri opened his mouth to say something, _good morning_, or _sorry_, or _you’re beautiful_, but the words never came. He couldn’t say which of them moved first, but at that moment it seemed only natural that their mouths would find each other in a kiss, the words replaced with breath and touch instead. The excuses, the recriminations, the warnings that often clamoured in his mind were quiet now; all he could feel was the warmth of her mouth, the taste and smell of her filling his senses. They kissed until he was dizzy, overwhelmed by her.

“Byleth,” he breathed when they parted at last. He had wanted to call her by name for the longest time and it was worth it, to see the look of utter delight on her face, his favourite expression of hers. He pressed another kiss to that smile, he could not have stopped himself if he tried. Was he allowed to have this? He did not deserve it, certainly, for this beautiful creature to be looking at him with such gentle affection.

“My Dimitri,” she said as if in answer to his thoughts, and it was right and true, he was hers, for as long as she would have him. She had writ her name on his soul. Indelible and inescapable.

Distantly the morning bell began to toll, signaling the start of a new day at Garreg Mach. Though he wanted nothing more than to stay in that world of just the two of them, their lives were not just their own. Dimitri and Byleth would have a wait for a time; the prince of the Kingdom and the archbishop of the Church were needed now.

“I should go before Dedue panics for not finding me,” Dimitri told her, reluctant to even say the words, “though I hate the thought of leaving you.” He brushed the hair from her cheek, loathe to stop touching her, even for a moment; he was already too far gone. "Can I see you tonight?” Byleth’s answering smile was bright. If he could allow himself to vow one thing in this uncertain time, it would be to devote himself to bringing that smile to her face as many times as he could.

She leaned closer and pressed a kiss to his mouth, a soft and lingering promise. “Yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> Because that scene ended too soon for me! I felt compelled to write what might have happened between that and their A-support conversation, so thus this self-indulgent fic was written. No beta so all mistakes are my own, please forgive. Comments always welcome and appreciated, even if it's just to say hi :)
> 
> Chat to me on my [tumblr](https://redmorningstar.tumblr.com/) <3


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